why am i???????

This world is like a dream, where everyone sees a dream and tries to weave the threads of dream into the cloth of reality. I may sound a bit abstruse to you guys but this is what I always think. We all are born with some innate qualities which are the important aspects of our personality-our inner personality- because our outer personality is heavily influenced by the kind of culture, circle of friends and the kind of things we get to see. in fact each and every aspects of ours is influenced and covered up by mask of superiority which confines us to the bitterly hostile world where everywhere I see the vivid illustration of what one should do, how one should live, where one should go etc.etc
But have we all thought for a moment, why do we struggle so much to live a life which ends up with nothing but lots of enigma. There has been limited jurisdiction over it and some had the unfortunate oversight exhibiting the apparent paradox of being naturally talented and benign to others. But what does really matter is how long you carry yourself? And I always find my self in confusion asking these questions. Why I am not living in the way I want to, why I am following the herd? Why am I walking on the same road as thousands of others, why don’t I choose to be different? Am I also like them or something different is there in me? I have heard people saying that everyone is gifted with something special but the misery of my life is that till now I am not been able to recognize it whether I have something in me or not. Though I have some dancing, singing and debating talent in me, so what! Thousand of others too have it. then the question is what is that talent which is hidden and which I am not been able to find in me -the true self of mine- which will give me the satisfaction that okay, this is what I should do, this is what I love to do, when will the day come when I will get a feel that I am the happiest girl on this earth and I am happy with what I am doing. I wish this day come soon when I will be out of this confusion, when I will not be walking on the road chosen or built by others but rather will built something of my own and then will walk on it. I know that I can be happy if I do what I like, I don’t want to be forced and made to work by others but this so called society and the limitations of being a social animal confines me to do what I want. I am searching for the way to come out of it and probably I will be out of it very soon till than I pray to god to give me the strength and courage to stay focused.